Over the last 10-15 years in Asia, the phenomenon of Chinese girls dating foreign or “western” men has grown exponentially.
These days, you can’t help but notice mixed race couples almost everywhere when you travel around any Asian city or even to smaller towns.
What’s the attraction of Chinese girls to foreign men?
Although it seems extreme, in the not too distant past, the families of some Chinese girls actually forbade their daughters to talk to, never mind get involved with, a man not of their own ethnicity as other people often looked down on Chinese girls in a relationship with a foreign man, accusing the girl in question of all sorts of imaginary misdeeds.
Yet, as with many things, the situation has changed and large numbers of Chinese girls now have foreign boyfriend or even husbands… why?
Well, the list of reasons can be quite long but here are just a few, important pointers:
a number of Chinese girls feel that a foreign man offers more stability, and is less likely to have a string of girlfriends or affairs; he may, on the whole, treat her better than his Asian counterparts who, in the typically male dominated societies of Asia, are allowed to “get away with” many things considered unacceptable in western culture
the career oriented, ‘’go-getter’’ type of Chinese girl who might feel somewhat repressed in her home society can flourish with a foreign man who treats her more like an equal and, probably, actually encourages her career and her lifestyle. Many western societies are far more comfortable with gender equality and with educational and professional opportunities being available for women
in some cases, Chinese girls focus on their career for first 7-8 years post- graduation, possibly to the detriment of her social and love life; now she is 27 or more and carries the stigma of being a “leftover woman”; too old for local men—yet a foreign man has no such qualms about age and often cherishes a well educated, well travelled, feminine woman
Some “do’s” and “don’ts” for foreign men dating Chinese girls
So, now we know some of the key attractions of Chinese girls to foreign men, what about some of the key points of etiquette and manners?
Chinese culture and society are multi- layered and it’s relatively easy to give offence to a Chinese girl without intending to do so. Clearly, misunderstandings and some miscommunications are going to arise in the early days but an application of good common sense and pragmatism usually can help prevent or solve any major issue which may arise.
Here are some key points for foreign men to bear in mind when dating Chinese girls:
if you are not serious about the relationship with your Chinese girlfriend, don’t visit her parents and family; however, do enquire about their general wellbeing, health and any newsworthy matters she may have mentioned
don’t dominate or be the centre of attention at social gatherings—you need to earn respect from the friend of your Chinese girl and her family. Be relatively humble, polite and not overbearing, even if it’s not your usual character
giving and receiving “face” is an integral part of Chinese society and you really don’t want to be guilty of upsetting possible potential future in-laws;
avoid any issue which may cause disrespect or show lack of respect to the Chinese girl’s family
avoid shouting, swearing or getting angry as general misbehaviour is severely frowned upon by Chinese girls and may be a relationship breaker. Keep your patience in public no matter what the situation
generally behave in a gentlemanly manner as this greatly appeals to Chinese girls and can set you aside from many local men. Don’t drink too much alcohol, try not to smoke and certainly don’t take drugs
Differences between traditional and modern Chinese girls
Picking the right type of Chinese girl, like any romantic attachment, is driven by our emotions, and is hardly the same as picking, say, a colour to paint the bathroom walls—is it? Pink or blue, red or green?
We base our choices on our inner feelings, and our perceptions of the physical beauty or attractiveness of our potential mate.
However, the question may arise whether your Chinese girl is a “traditional” or a “modern” woman but even this becomes secondary to the primary “suitability for mating” requirements which our brains have already sub-consciously noted and endorsed!
Still, let’s see if we can define “traditional” and “modern” characteristics that many foreign men perceive as attributable to the two “options” of Chinese girls available:
“modern” Chinese girls, it can be argued, may be: outgoing, independent, that is not financially or emotionally dependent on a man or on their family; career minded; well educated; able to live and travel alone; in some cases, not wanting children to impinge on their lifestyle.
alternatively, if we look at how we can describe “traditional” Chinese girls, we may say they are: family centric; studious; strongly loyal to their man; relatively shy/humble; conservative in outlook and demeanour; homely, as in taking care of the home and children, or not working full time; and, finally….., dare I say it, subservient
Of course, these “characteristics” can be added to or discussed at length, but the key question is: do you know any Chinese girl these days who neatly fits exactly into one of these categories or the other?
In reality, most Chinese girls I know possess a handful of characteristics from each “list” and, therefore, can be considered as a rather nice blend of the old and the new; our modern, fast paced, constantly changing society has shaped Chinese girls not only to be different physically from that they were 10-15 years ago, but also changed them mentally, their behaviours and their outlook on life.
Key character traits of Chinese girls once they are dating you
Let’s be honest, once a Chinese girl has found you attractive or interesting enough to start dating, she will be, in many ways, similar to most women the world over.
Once the initial shyness has dissipated and your Chinese girlfriend gets to know you better, know your likes and dislikes—and of course you get to know hers—you’ll start to see a whole new persona being to emerge.
She’ll almost certainly become more confident in her English language ability and you’ll be surprised how quickly, and how well, Chinese girls can argue or scold you in English—if the need arises of course; the trick, though, is not to give her the reason to do this!
Your Chinese girl will also become more openly loving; maybe often holding your hand, touching your arm, maybe resting her head in the area between your head and shoulder and so on. Bear in mind, though, that she will also become more possessive and it’s wise not to look too long at other pretty Chinese girls if your lady is around. Certainly don’t attempt to talk to such other girls, otherwise you may have a major issue on your hands!
In common with many other Asian women it can be observed that a large number of Chinese girls act relatively immature compared to their real age, and certainly compared to many western women. They’ll play children’s computer games for hours on end; play with a “Hello Kitty” doll or figurine or just generally act in a childish way. Quite why I am not sure, although it might be attention seeking—but this is something most foreign men seem to be able to live with if all of the other traits of their Chinese girl meet their ideals!
Without doubt, Chinese girls dating and marrying foreign men is an irreversible phenomenon which started many, many years ago but, given the huge increases in the volume of such matches, is now right at the forefront of most societies.