Chinese girlfriends: are they “hard work”?
Chinese girlfriends sometimes seem to get a bad reputation as being “hard work” or difficult as dating partners.
Just ask any local man about his Chinese girlfriend and he’ll probably grudgingly admit that true, occasionally, she can be a contradiction or a paradox—or even say something completely different to what she just said five minutes ago!
But, hey…, does this make a Chinese girlfriend any different than any other woman on this planet?
In fact, to be fair, Chinese girlfriends usually make great life partners. Ask almost any foreign man who’s dated a lady or two from China—and most will tell you that it’s far better finding and marrying a woman from the east than a “western” woman. Really….
Chinese girlfriends: some facts vs fiction
For foreign men with Chinese girlfriends there are extensive lists of “do’s” and “don’ts” all over the internet, books to buy and read, and courses to attend to find out what is different or unique about Chinese girls.
Sure, everyone is entitled to their own opinion and viewpoint, but take a step back, take a deep breath and listen: dating a Chinese girlfriend is a little bit like reading the book, “What they don’t teach you at Harvard Business School”—you learn something new!Studying at a prestigious business school is all well and good and you’ll find you’ll learn about sound, sensible rules and guidelines for being successful in business—yet the big, bad real world out there is rather, how can I say, different to say the least. Just as the theories of dating a Chinese girlfriend are extensively covered and mainly sound and sensible—yet, in reality, the dating game can be quite, quite different…
Apart from the fact that your Chinese girlfriend has been brought up in an environment most probably thousands of miles away from yours, she is from a completely different culture—and her views on how to behave in a relationships, her wants, needs and expectations will, at first, be almost be alien to you.
Everyone’s upbringing and environment, undoubtedly, shapes our thinking and future and it’s well worth remembering that your relationship with your Chinese girlfriend, to her, will be new and exciting yet, possibly, intimidating.
But don’t despair, do some homework, and work on your tolerance or levels of understanding and follow some key pointers as to how to make your mixed-race relationship succeed in the long term.
Attractions of Chinese girlfriends
As a starter, let’s look at some of the key attractions of Chinese girlfriends.
Leave aside the facts that many Chinese girls have great, sexy smiles, great skin and, usually, have slim-line figures which tend not to vary too much as they get older, then we need to consider some of the emotional or other aspects which will stay with your Chinese girlfriend from her childhood into womanhood:
charm and femininity: most Chinese girlfriends have an innate sense of charm and femininity—perhaps as they seem to have mastered the art of portraying themselves as coy, sexy, charismatic and feminine all at once. Which foreign man will be able to resist having a life partner like that?
drive and work ethos: you’ll find that, typically, Chinese girlfriends are not afraid of hard work and have a high work ethos; they will do all that it is necessary to overachieve, both for themselves and their family. This might simply be working for her family, raising children, getting them educated and making sure they are always well presented; or, alternatively, carving out a career for herself in her chosen profession
faithfulness: a Chinese girlfriend will, usually, be faithful to her man, defending him at all costs; and faithful not just in a physically or sexual way, but also emotionally and spiritually
commitment: when a foreign man is dating his Chinese girlfriend and matters have progressed beyond the initial, exploratory stages, he effectively joins the family; he becomes part of an extended unit—and his girlfriend will be totally committed to him, and to making the relationship succeed
Chinese girlfriends need careful “management”
Yes, management… why? Well, in any successful relationship there needs to be “give and take”, some form of compromise between the two parties. With your Chinese girlfriend, early on you need to try and set the parameters for the relationship; you need to set some boundaries and, without sounding too pedantic, make some rules—otherwise your Chinese girlfriend may run amok and have you forever following her orders and commands! : )
Some things to watch out for:
an important part of Chinese culture is going out with friends and work colleagues without the “loved one” stringing along and you’ll need to get used to your Chinese girlfriend doing this—trust her and don’t be overly obsessive in your relationship, otherwise it may become shorter than you think. Despite their need to be protected, Chinese girls don’t like men who are overly dominating, checking up on their every move, where they are going, who they are seeing
under that soft external shell, Chinese girlfriends usually have very “hard centres”—the sooner you realise this, then the better it will be for both of you. This is not a negative trait, as Chinese girls can often carry their man and family forward with their drive and tenacity. Always listen to her opinion and don’t continually contradict and overlay your ideas on her
your Chinese girlfriend might say one thing but her expressions might suggest another—but forgive her and keep the lines of communications open and as clear as you can. Remember, you’ll probably be speaking most of the time in English, unless you are fluent in her language. Also bear in mind that as this is her second language and, whilst she might speak it well, sometimes things get will get lost “in translation”
it’s never easy extracting information or comments from your Chinese girlfriend (“TMI” as they say) but, if you approach her in the right way, you’ll be surprised at what you can learn—and a real learning curve it will be. Try to find out what motivates her; what are her real goals and ambitions, wants and needs. What does she see as important in a relationship, what are some of her key expectations from her man?
Long term relationships with Chinese girlfriends
Judging by the huge numbers of Chinese girls dating and, subsequently, marrying foreign men, clearly there is a high demand for Chinese girlfriends. Many of my friends have been in long term relationships with Chinese women for over 10 years, with no signs of any cracks in their relationships. In fact, such relationships seemingly lasting longer and being stronger than that of many of my other friends who have married “western” women.
So, yes, long term relationships with Chinese girlfriends can absolutely work—just don’t dwell too much on the girl’s, usually, temporary: self-centred, childish, unpredictable, domineering behaviour—after all, she is a woman isn’t she! : )
And, probably, a very attractive one at that!